Tag: reflection

Snap out of it.

Sometimes I take a moment to look back over my life thinking about old experiences – reviewing old journal entries and/or posts, and smile as I identify eras of my life where I just seemed to have it together. I stood strong in my values and beliefs, I had consistent outside enjoyable interests, as well as external relationships I sowed into, built and maintained. To me, these were eras of victory, eras of flourishing.

An era of victory definitely was NOT what I’ve been feeling over the past few weeks. I actually found myself in a bit of a funk – feeling defeated, feeling lonely, feeling less than enough due to feeling so far from some of the goals and desires I currently have or imagined I’d attain by this point in my life. These feelings were dragging me down. My thoughts were, I want to be healthier, I want a life outside of work, I want to be better off financially, and honestly, I just want to like myself again.  

I was in a rut that was not only affecting myself, my thinking, my energy, my mental capabilities (being more negative vs positive), but I also identified that I was bickering more frequently with those I love. I found that I was highly critical of them and myself, and I just lacked bounce back. When a fiery dart from the enemy was thrown at me by way of a personal or professional hiccup or misunderstanding, I totally left my shield of faith by my side vs igniting that tool to combat those snares.

In seeking a way to snap out of it, I recognized some things that were missing from my life that I could do to assist with escaping the “rut”. I could partake in estimable acts – things that I enjoy that make me feel good about me such as walking, journaling, or signing up and ATTENDING a course of interest. I also identified that during this time there was a deficit in how I was treating myself – no regular sleep or eating pattern, lacking water and physical activity, just not being good to me.

I’ve heard often that when you look good you feel good. It’s easy to think that the “looking good” refers to our outside (physical traits) but for me, looking good entails looking good from the inside out. I strongly believe both have a positive effect on feeling good.

As these things have been revealed to me through seeking guidance from the Lord and taking an honest look at myself, cause and effect has been revealed, now is the time for action, taking the necessary steps to feel good about me. So, here we go…

Staying encouraged, I pray the same for you!

Risk vs Reward – Being Known by and Knowing Others.

If you follow my writing within this blog, you have probably noticed that I have not written in a bit. It’s not necessarily that I haven’t had anything to say, but sometimes I go through seasons of life where I just live/walk events out, obtaining teachable moments (lessons) to write about in the future to hopefully encourage and inspire myself and possibly others. That season is in motion now, mixed with a tad bit of procrastination and a busy schedule. Nevertheless, here I am today 😊

I want to share on a recent “walking it out” event that the Lord has granted me an opportunity to search deeper within and not only learn more about myself, but also heal from some mindsets of the past, to become a better me.

Regarding taking necessary steps in being open to being known by and knowing others… It has been YEARS since I considered getting to know people on a personal, deeper level, or even allowing them the opportunity to get to truly know me. This avoidance of connection was a result of past hurts. Some hurt caused by others, some caused by me, to myself and to others. I have cringed at the thought of getting close to people again due to the fear of rejection or making relational mistakes of either causing offense, or possibly having a day or two of behaving not so nicely. It was hard for me to believe that unconditional, easily forgiving relationships are still possible. I’ve found as I’ve stopped trying to be the perfect colleague, social member, daughter or friend, I have more freedom in being myself and showing authentic interest, love, and appreciation.

I think there is always the risk of being misunderstood or possibly hurting others, we’re human, but choosing not to be run by that fear allows so much freedom and authentic relationship building. This in turn limits the possibility of lashing out or crawling into a ball when mistakes are made. Not saying this will not happen, but the aim is to limit these extremes 😊.

When getting to know others and allowing them to know you, hopefully you’ll have the courage to genuinely own and seek forgiveness for mistakes as they come and identify ways in thinking or actions that will help these mistakes get far and in between. This mindset should also encourage you to easily forgive others as well.

For me, I no longer am seeking ultimate perfection from myself, in what I say, think, or do, but aiming to intentionally have kind, thoughtful, grace seasoned words and actions. As I do this, I strongly believe the reward of getting to know others and them getting to know me will outweigh the perceived risks.

Keep pressing on!