Category: Uncategorized

Snap out of it.

Sometimes I take a moment to look back over my life thinking about old experiences – reviewing old journal entries and/or posts, and smile as I identify eras of my life where I just seemed to have it together. I stood strong in my values and beliefs, I had consistent outside enjoyable interests, as well as external relationships I sowed into, built and maintained. To me, these were eras of victory, eras of flourishing.

An era of victory definitely was NOT what I’ve been feeling over the past few weeks. I actually found myself in a bit of a funk – feeling defeated, feeling lonely, feeling less than enough due to feeling so far from some of the goals and desires I currently have or imagined I’d attain by this point in my life. These feelings were dragging me down. My thoughts were, I want to be healthier, I want a life outside of work, I want to be better off financially, and honestly, I just want to like myself again.  

I was in a rut that was not only affecting myself, my thinking, my energy, my mental capabilities (being more negative vs positive), but I also identified that I was bickering more frequently with those I love. I found that I was highly critical of them and myself, and I just lacked bounce back. When a fiery dart from the enemy was thrown at me by way of a personal or professional hiccup or misunderstanding, I totally left my shield of faith by my side vs igniting that tool to combat those snares.

In seeking a way to snap out of it, I recognized some things that were missing from my life that I could do to assist with escaping the “rut”. I could partake in estimable acts – things that I enjoy that make me feel good about me such as walking, journaling, or signing up and ATTENDING a course of interest. I also identified that during this time there was a deficit in how I was treating myself – no regular sleep or eating pattern, lacking water and physical activity, just not being good to me.

I’ve heard often that when you look good you feel good. It’s easy to think that the “looking good” refers to our outside (physical traits) but for me, looking good entails looking good from the inside out. I strongly believe both have a positive effect on feeling good.

As these things have been revealed to me through seeking guidance from the Lord and taking an honest look at myself, cause and effect has been revealed, now is the time for action, taking the necessary steps to feel good about me. So, here we go…

Staying encouraged, I pray the same for you!

Love does cost something.

This Resurrection weekend (Good Friday, Resurrection Sunday, and the quiet day in-between) I read a devotional that shut down a popular cultural belief I held, which is “love don’t cost a thing”, but it does. We can look at Christ’s example and see that real love walks out what it represents. Jesus didn’t just come to earth to declare with words (sermons) His power, authority, and love for this world (the people therein). He showed this through action, laying down His life, and not just staying down, but rising with ALL power in His hands, so that humanity could be made free.

In my own personal walk (life) I am beginning to identify ways where I could better walk out the cost of love. Rather than spending much of my time in the comfort of my favorite alone space, I can sacrifice some personal time and check-in with others, maybe watch a movie or play a game of Skip-Bo or Speed. I could forfeit a Sunday afternoon nap and accept a dinner invitation from family or friends – This one is tough as sometimes I feel like Sunday evening is my prime recharge time before the work week starts back-up, but maybe the sacrifice of my alone time every now and then, for some relationship building would actually refresh me in a different, more quality way.

In addition to love costing some personal time, it can also cost the risk of letting your guard down and getting to know and be known by others in a deeper way. I know me and I am comfortable being alone, but people do need people. I am recognizing that need more and more as I am getting older. You can do life (mostly) alone, but I ask and have to get real with myself on whether I really want to…

So, I encourage you as I encourage me, to keep identifying and paying the cost of love. Its fruit (the result of love) shows the investment is worth it.

*Please note, the love referenced in this post is not primarily of the romantic kind, but of the 1 Corinthians 13:1 – 8a kind. 😊

Disrupt discord.

Have you ever experienced a season where lines of communication were just off? You and someone you hold near and dear just cannot seem to be on the same page. Jokes or trying to take something lightly are taken the wrong way, whether it’s coming from you or them. Then feelings are hurt and silence or off attitudes begin to develop. This is a prime example of discord trying to plant a seed, and it sucks.

Discord will make you feel like you’re on an island on your own and cannot trust nor share honest feelings with those who have been proven to be tried and true. This then leads to either giving the cold shoulder, cutting off all reasonable communication, or even worse, going off, engaging in an argument, and saying things you’ll later regret.

When things seem off and discord takes root, it has the potential to strain and ruin even the best of relationships. In my experience, to avoid this from happening, it is best to take these moments with a grain of salt vs taking them to heart. You never know what someone is going through which may not have anything to do with you but can cause things to be taken a certain way. Or perhaps your approach or how you’re presenting your words are laced with a hint of something “off”, whether it’s tone or whatever (intentional or not).

To avoid lasting damage and hurt feelings, what I’ve experienced and found to help is lots of grace – me giving even more than the amount that I am seeking. You can also partake in silent walk-aways vs saying something you’ll later possibly regret – you can apologize but once words are out (leave the mouth gate), they are out there, risking the chance to wreak havoc, causing considerable damage.

No relationship is perfect, and no person is perfect. Views/perceptions change; feelings/emotions change, so when/if you sense something is off in communication with those you hold near and dear, it’s worth taking a pause, not assuming the worst, and guarding your mouth and actions from potential relational damage.

I am diligently working on walking this out… Staying encouraged, I hope you are as well!

Risk vs Reward – Being Known by and Knowing Others.

If you follow my writing within this blog, you have probably noticed that I have not written in a bit. It’s not necessarily that I haven’t had anything to say, but sometimes I go through seasons of life where I just live/walk events out, obtaining teachable moments (lessons) to write about in the future to hopefully encourage and inspire myself and possibly others. That season is in motion now, mixed with a tad bit of procrastination and a busy schedule. Nevertheless, here I am today 😊

I want to share on a recent “walking it out” event that the Lord has granted me an opportunity to search deeper within and not only learn more about myself, but also heal from some mindsets of the past, to become a better me.

Regarding taking necessary steps in being open to being known by and knowing others… It has been YEARS since I considered getting to know people on a personal, deeper level, or even allowing them the opportunity to get to truly know me. This avoidance of connection was a result of past hurts. Some hurt caused by others, some caused by me, to myself and to others. I have cringed at the thought of getting close to people again due to the fear of rejection or making relational mistakes of either causing offense, or possibly having a day or two of behaving not so nicely. It was hard for me to believe that unconditional, easily forgiving relationships are still possible. I’ve found as I’ve stopped trying to be the perfect colleague, social member, daughter or friend, I have more freedom in being myself and showing authentic interest, love, and appreciation.

I think there is always the risk of being misunderstood or possibly hurting others, we’re human, but choosing not to be run by that fear allows so much freedom and authentic relationship building. This in turn limits the possibility of lashing out or crawling into a ball when mistakes are made. Not saying this will not happen, but the aim is to limit these extremes 😊.

When getting to know others and allowing them to know you, hopefully you’ll have the courage to genuinely own and seek forgiveness for mistakes as they come and identify ways in thinking or actions that will help these mistakes get far and in between. This mindset should also encourage you to easily forgive others as well.

For me, I no longer am seeking ultimate perfection from myself, in what I say, think, or do, but aiming to intentionally have kind, thoughtful, grace seasoned words and actions. As I do this, I strongly believe the reward of getting to know others and them getting to know me will outweigh the perceived risks.

Keep pressing on!

The swap out.

Sometimes I get so preoccupied with me, how I’m feeling, what I’m going through, that I forget that many of us are just trying to get through life, the best we know how. So, to ignite a better outlook, I began to think about the below swap outs…

In my loneliness, perhaps I take a moment to pray for others who may be feeling lonely, that they find a healthy outlet to show love, be love, and find love and acceptance.

In my pain and discomfort of feeling misunderstood, perhaps I remember to take the time to try and understand someone else, where they’re coming from, their perspective – just hearing people out (the whole matter) before jumping to conclusions based on how I perceive them and their tone. There may be the slight possibility that how we take things could be off a bit from how they are truly being given (spoken/said). It may help more to assume the best in people’s communication style, vs the worst – Definitely NOT saying people may never come from a rude or disrespectful place, but let’s try to not assume that route from the jump.

In my impatience of waiting on change, from the inside out of me, perhaps I take it easy on myself a bit and be thankful for the parts of me that are already strong and make an impact for the better, i.e., positive outlook, going hard for my family, resilience, aiming to always show love. Not saying the strong and impactful parts of our character don’t need constant building and strengthening, but the point is we have things we can celebrate about ourselves NOW vs until such and such happens…

In my anxiety about the future and trying to always piece things/paths together as I think they should be, perhaps I just truly let go and let God. This is an amazing statement to make, but for me at times, it’s easier to say than to walk out. I let go and let God for a moment, then I pick things back up thinking I’ll just give God a little help, knowing full well “my little help” is more so pacifying my need to have some type of control over the situation.

In my horrible habit of trying to maintain control over what little I believe I have control over, perhaps I surrender and take on the peace of God which surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:6-7 NKJV). Maybe that peace doesn’t have to be a one and done moment/experience. Maybe the peace effect can be a life-long experience, a constant place of rest and confidence that God is not only in control, but He loves me enough to have good thoughts and plans for me, regardless of the rugged path life sometimes takes (Jeremiah 29:11 NKJV).

I’m thankful for the possibility to swap out not so great habits and ways of handling things, for new ones. Pray for me as I press on, taking steps toward change for the better – I’ll do the same for you 😊

Fight or flight.

As of late I have been honestly evaluating my life and the relationships and mindsets I hold, inviting the Lord into the mix to help me see myself and behave in a way that is aligned with how He sees me. A specific area that I’ll share in this post is facing the possibility of rejection from others. It has been years since I intentionally took the risk of letting my guard down and been open to being known by others deeper than surface level smiles.

Often, when I get to the point where I let a little bit of my authentic self be shown to others, mainly in small groups, I go into fight or flight mode. Regularly choosing flight, I get the heck out of dodge either by extended absences in a group membership or swiftly and smoothly exiting the premises of a social event to save face from what I deemed as risky, self-revealing behavior. It’s not even that I am some rude jerk or have some off the wall humor or beliefs (let’s say not 100% of the time 😊), I just shy away from being known.

Don’t get me wrong, I am totally fine with flying solo, I prefer it, but when being alone becomes more of a defense mechanism that I run to, thus causing burned bridges of potential or sure relationships, then the solo thing becomes a problem…

In part I am sure this fear of rejection comes from past relationship hurts, or feeling embarrassed that I took a friendship more to heart than others involved, but despite the reasoning, I think I am just tired of running from the pain and embarrassment resulting in regrets.

Being honest with myself, I’ve done enough of the flight. Perhaps it’s time I stop running, trying to protect myself from possible rejection and hurt from others, and just stand in faith, being open to truly loving people, knowing that God is with me, and He’ll see me through any relational obstacle that may possibly arise.

Pressing on and growing in faith – I pray the same for you!

Relieved to be relieved.

I recently heard a sermon on flourishing in faith and love in the New Year (2023). I was reminded of the importance of letting things go, to avoid bitterness from taking root in your heart. Since allowing this wonderful Word reminder to fall on the good ground of my heart, it has been revealed that a lot of the things I need to let go of and forgive, are my own actions toward myself.

Many of my past actions proved me to be one of my worst enemies. I acted foolishly when it came to seeking acceptance, love, confidence, and inner peace. Rather than choosing to learn from my mistakes I often became annoyed, upset and embarrassed at myself. Memories and even old songs from specific eras would cause me to ask myself “how could you have been so stupid?”, “how embarrassing”, “how incomplete and messed up were we?..”. I looked back with so much regret and shame.

The above were feelings I put on myself, no doubt the flame being fanned by the enemy, who of course seeks nothing but to steal, kill and destroy. I had to decide to TRULY start seeing myself how God sees me. Not necessarily only in the present, but even how He looks at my past mistakes. I am beginning to fully take God at His Word, believing that He is giving me beauty for ashes, that He causes all things to work together for my good, even the insecure stupid acts of the past – How specifically? I am not sure, but I trust Him.

As of late, when I look back on my past, I celebrate that the Lord has brought me from a mighty long way. I give thanks that God didn’t leave me where I was. I have joy and am amazed that I now hold the character traits I thought I would never have the strength and courage to possess, such as self-control over certain thoughts and actions, saying goodbye to relationships and people that weren’t the best for me (or I for them), as well as setting and keeping personal boundaries and standards. Not only are these things active in my life, but they are getting strengthened each day, as I continue to surrender to the Lord, ask for His help, and remain open to spiritual pruning (old mindsets being renewed, toxic defense mechanisms being released and removed).

I released and continue to release myself from my own mistakes and stupidity of the past, as I have asked and received the gift of salvation, repentance, and renewal from the Lord. I pray I continue to trust God’s process with me, going from faith to faith, forgetting those things that are behind and pressing ahead.

I truly am relieved to be relieved of my own self-inflicted pain of the past.

Pressing on, I pray you continue to press on as well!

Inward Resolutions – Change IS possible.

A few goals (resolutions) of mine, stated prior to the new year, which I still plan on running with within this new year, is maintaining a new attitude, remaining present, and accepting things as they are, vs how I think they should be. What I like about these goals is that they contribute to inward changes in me, which I hope will spill over into outward changes, not only affecting my body, but also my actions and relationships.

The phrase attitude makes the difference is true stuff. Our attitudes affect everything that we do, and what we think about. Since where my mind leads my body and attitude often follow, I want to be more disciplined in what I choose to think about to maintain a new positive attitude and outlook.

In remaining present, I shrug off the past and focus on the here and now. In the not-so-distant past, I had a horrible habit of holding on to regrets. The truth regarding regrets is I have no remote to change those things. What I can do now is learn from those regrets, and utilize those lessons in the present, in hopes of limiting regrettable acts from here on out.   

Accepting what is vs what could possibly be allows me to relinquish control. This is a big one for me, as I often like having things/plans clearly laid out, step by step, leaving no space for adjustments. Unfortunately, I have been known to get bent out of shape, falling off a set course, if anything in my plan was misplaced or altered in the slightest way. This mentality robbed me from chances to learn how to roll with the punches of life with ease. I also missed out on the possibility of getting an even better plan and route the Lord may have had for me. Now, rather than using most of my energy on trying to prevent hiccups and changes in my set plans, I will be open and accept that I do not know it all, and do not have to have it all clearly laid out – This is a great bonus of having a Savior and the gift of the Holy Spirit to comfort and guide me each step of the way 😊

The shared inward goals within this post will NOT be my only aims of the new year (or my life), but declaring a few desired resolutions is a great start to an even better me. Life is a journey that offers numerous opportunities for growth and to embrace change if we are mindful and open to it.

I pray we all do not shy away from declaring some of our inward change desires out loud, taking the necessary steps to get them in motion, and relying on God to do the rest. Change IS possible.

Keep pressing on all!  

Know that you’re the “S” (stuff).

Rejection that can follow when a (potential) relationship doesn’t turn out as you’d hoped sucks, but do you know what sucks even more? When we allow the result of said “potential” relationship to cause us to forget who the heck we are, and what we are worth!

I get angry with myself when I allow rejection or an unsuccessful (potential) relationship to cause me to question my personality, my unwavering relationship standards, or my choice to just pass on it (the person or potential relationship).

I think being without a relationship for a bit can cause one to question whether they are being unrealistic or demanding, so after the initial shock and pain of letting someone go, I would strongly suggest taking a beat, and snapping out of the emotions that may ensue. If you have set deal breakers prior to getting involved with someone, they more than likely are you being real with yourself and honestly identifying what you can and cannot (or will and will not) tolerate.

Although it can get lonely out here as a single person, (😊) knowing that you’re the “S” allows the ability to shake embarrassing and hurtful situations off, and keep it moving, gracefully, without animosity, anger, guilt or shame toward yourself or others.

Let’s stop returning to vomit* (the people/relationships you know are no good for you, whether the party intentionally hurts you or not) and embrace the unknown. Know that you are the “S”, and that God’s got you…

Staying encouraged, and TRULY hoping the same for you!

*“As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his foolishness.”

~Proverbs 26:11 New Living Translation

He won’t leave you alone.

Sometimes the people in my life are just busy with life, having other things going on, and unable to always be present and check in. As a side note, from personal experience I would encourage one to not to take these times of “absence” personally, as there may come a time where you find yourself on the other side of things (unintentionally being absent) and want some grace and understanding.

Anyway 🙂 , at times I feel I need, or more so want another human around, if for nothing more than to hopefully feel like someone “gets” me at a time where perhaps I feel misunderstood or honestly, just lonely (again, at that specific time). During these times when there appears to be no one around, checking for me, I am thankful that I can always count on the Lord to be near, by my side, wanting to be invited into the “mix” of my life.

I am getting better at realizing that whether I have anyone around socially, romantically, etc., or if I appear to be all alone (I state appear, because as a Believer I know that I am never alone), I am thankful that I always have a friend in Jesus.

I dig that there are never any misunderstandings or ill-intent on His part. I can always be honest and myself, which is sometimes not so loveable, or pushy, silly, hard, even vulnerable – The Lord sees it all, and He sticks around, because He wants to. *When He said He’d never leave me nor forsake me, He meant it! He’s faithful through and through. Again, I am thankful to be witnessing this for myself.

He (the Lord) won’t leave you alone – That’s a real nice thing…

Staying encouraged – I am sincerely hoping the same for you…

*Deuteronomy 31:6c NKJV